Broken Dreams
by ScottXLoganNetwork
Summary: Logan comes to terms with letting go of the life he put behind him and living in the new world where everything has changed for him especially where Scott Summers is concerned. (Post Days of Future Past)
It was a close call—too close for comfort as Logan shifted restlessly in his bed trying to come to terms with what had taken place at the senate meeting earlier in the day. Closing his eyes he could clearly recall the way that Scott had stepped up to speak to the government officials delivering a speech that would undoubtedly seal the deal on peace in this new world that Logan had awakened to only a few short weeks earlier. So much had changed from his time trapped in a world that existed to him alone. Even now sharp images of blood and death surrounded him torturing his mind in ways that Charles had promised him that he would get over, but it was no use. The past was his burden to bear and hold onto in knowing what once was, but would never come to be in this new world where everything was set back to what it should be. Scott was alive and so was Jean. That was really all that he needed to know that understand that he'd done the right thing. He'd saved the day and yet there were so many questions unanswered.

"Everything is as it should be," Charles promised time and time again, but his promises only served to placate Logan until the restless evening hours when darkness and nightmares plagued his mind threatening to tear it to pieces in remembering what once was. They overwhelmed him driving him deeper into madness where the threat of terror lingered around the corner swept away only by this new world he'd found himself surrounded in. Everything was alright. Charles had promised it was so, but knowing what he had lost—what the others would truly never know of the world they'd bypassed in his quest to change things, Logan realized the weight of the burden was his alone. All of his memories, pain and anguish were his to keep buried in his own silent torment tucked away from blissfully unaware friends and teammates who would ever discover just how truly bleak his world had been.

"You're trembling," Scott word's still haunted him when Logan stood in the center of the White House lawn remembering the horrors he'd endured the last time he was there. He could clearly recall the way that Magneto had torn into his flesh, forcing him into submission and leaving him to drown in the dark, murky waters when the world faded away. It terrified him making him panic in ways he dared not to speak of, but just when he feared his life was over he'd awakened in this place—in this new world with everyone he loved and cared around him all oblivious to the nightmare he'd prevented. They had all evaded it and to some degree he had as well, but not in his dreams—not tonight especially not after the long day he'd put behind him.

Sitting upright Logan couldn't ignore the tension that crawled up his spine, creeping in over his shoulders and causing him to tremble all over again. The day on the White House lawn had been hard for him. Too hard to really shake and Charles had sensed it. He'd even suggested that Logan step down from his protective detail bowing out of accompanying Scott to the meeting when he made his final plea for peace between mutant kind and humans once and for all, but Logan had refused. Hell, since he's arrived back in the future he hadn't been more than a short distance away from Scott if he could help it. Just knowing that Scott was alive and well was enough to motivate him to stay close—to somehow prove that it was real that Scott was really there, which had caused Scott to question Logan's motives, but most of all it soothed Logan. It made him feel safe in knowing that all his torment was for not. All of his nightmares had culminated in the rebirth of the man he'd admired, supported and dare he say felt something for through all of their battles with one another.

Pushing himself back onto his pillows Logan tried to banish the nightmares once again. He brought his fist up into the air behind him punching his pillow in a halfhearted attempt to contort it to a more comfortable position, but it was no use. His mind was too caught up in the past far from the present where life was going smoothly and everyone he cared about was safe and at ease. Today had proven just as much, but when Logan stood at Scott's side at the podium attempting to put on a brave face, their fearless leader had known better.

"It's my head on the chopping block Logan," Scott teased offering up a small pat on Logan's shoulder when it was clear Logan was uncomfortable in the setting, "but this is good for us—for all of us."

"I know," Logan answered wishing he could believe that when fireworks had gone off in the distance. It put him on high alert immediately reaching for Scott and throwing him to the ground. Without hesitation Logan had stretched himself out over Scott hoping to shield him from any kind of impending threat when the rest of the audience witnessed his knee jerk reaction. They had seen him at his most vulnerable bearing down upon the X-men leader without so much as a second thought. His mind had gone into protective mode preparing for the worst, but with a flash of color and popping light, he'd only effectively made things even more awkward between him and Scott. Flabbergasted by Logan's actions Scott had demanded that Logan get up off of him, but beyond that there was something about the expression on Scott's face that made Logan believe he'd somehow disappointed Scott. That in itself was reason enough for Logan to head off to bed early trying to come to terms with what he was experiencing.

"Everything turned out well today Logan," Scott had pulled him aside after the speech to convey his concerns, but embarrassment and fear for what his actions would cost the cause had prompted Logan to pull away from the others. It was just too hard to explain what was happening. There was no logical reason behind the panic that seized up his chest or the fear he felt anytime he sensed a potential threat in the air surrounding Scott. It was simply irrational and confusing to the others, but now as Logan punched his pillow once again he knew that he couldn't keep it inside any longer. He had to say something to someone if only to help soothe his tortured mind for a few fleeting moments of peace.

"Chuck will fix this," Logan decided pushing the blankets off of him and pressing his feet to the cold, marble flooring beneath him. It was then that he took in another, altogether more familiar scent outside of his bedroom. It put him on alert turning towards the source of the sound when the soft scraping of bare feet pushed through the hallway stopping only momentarily outside of his door and listening. Faintly he could make out the sound of a heartbeat strong and rapid closer to the thick, wooden door than necessary. There was a robust intoxicating scent that lingered pulling Logan from his moment of self anguish as he carefully stepped across the room. Stopping just short of the door Logan hesitated reaching out just enough to brush his fingers against the textured panel before him. For an instant he thought he could sense warmth on the other side leaving him to wonder if someone else was out there waiting for him and wondering how he was doing when it felt as if he'd been caught up in his darkest hour. Slowly he brushed the pads of his fingers over the wooden panel all the while closing his eyes and imagining the owner of the overwhelmingly delicious scent on the other side mirroring his movements. The thought in itself caused Logan's heart to race filling his mind with memories from a life that none of the others had lived. He could taste the saltiness of tears and the ripe, luscious lips he'd lost himself in time and time again when Jean had 'died' the first time only now wasn't like then. Jean was still very much alive and Scott was…

" _Alone,"_ Logan thought to himself remembering that in this world Scott and Jean's romance had extinguished long before Logan had been a part of their lives. Their romance had blossomed into a great friendship that ran deeper than any other Logan had witnessed in either of his lifetimes. They had a history for one another and a deep love, but they weren't in love. Jean had found herself more than satisfied with Hank having found something that had evaded them the first time around and Scott, well, Scott had been fully dedicated to Xavier's cause throwing himself into the role of the leader of the X-men in more ways than he'd been allowed in the other life Logan had known him in. All of his insecurity and grief had overshadowed that aspect of his strength the first time around, but in this life he flourished with his responsibility making him even more of a controlled, skilled adversary to those who challenged Xavier's quest for peace. He was truly remarkable and even if his old misery was lost, there was still something so distinctly Scott in this new life that had Logan even more miserable over what he'd once lost.

"Having him alive is worth far more than having him as your own," he had tried to convince himself time and time again when he thought to how they had once bonded over losing Jean. Those feelings that they had once shared were brought on by grief and regret, but now with Jean alive and well there hadn't been a place for them in this world. Scott had been free of such a burden and Logan was simply lost in a past that would no longer play a role in his future. Instead he was left to secretly covet the lines of a body that he'd once lost himself in. He could only hold onto fading memories of the tears he'd kissed away from Scott's cheeks and the damp lashes he'd pressed his lips upon when Scott had removed his visor the first time they'd made love to one another. Everything had been beyond anything he had ever imagined, but that was then and this was…

" _Now,"_ Logan thought with a heavy heart. Now was a place without sentinels—without pain and misery over all that they had lost and endured. It was about second chances and new beginnings in a life that Logan knew he hadn't lived with people that he truly hadn't shared his life with. Scott was no longer his and he was meant to carry the burden of knowing what he'd sacrificed to save this world he'd been thrust into.

" _It's for the best,"_ Logan rationalized hearing the soft swing of Scott's bedroom door slide to a close against the wooden flooring. It caused Logan's heart to sink and surrounded his mind with promises from another life, from the world that he had hoped to recapture, but lost in his journey into the past. Everything was different. He was different, yet there was this part of him deep inside that kept him going back to that place. It kept him hungry for what once was and the more he tried to deny that feeling, the harder it fought back tangling his insides and clouding his mind until he found himself staggering out into the hallway staring at the door that stood as a barrier between him and the past he'd once known. Closing his eyes he remembered the way that he had once entered through that very door pulling Scott from his tears and anguish into his arms and promising him a world where their pain would hurt a little bit less. It was a time when their hearts could still stand to be repaired and their future wasn't as bleak as it had felt in losing Jean. Life for a beautiful, fleeting moment had been perfect, but then it was gone never to be again.

"What are you doing?" that inner voice inside of Logan's mind questioned. His eyes started directly at the door as if looking at it alone could burn a hole through it somehow and bring him closer to Scott, but it wouldn't. It couldn't and now in the aftermath of his job well done he was left to the hours of darkness caught up in memories he could only carry. Thoughtlessly he raised his fingers up to the door stroking the wood in the same ways he'd done on his side of the hall, but it felt different. It was all the more painful in knowing he couldn't walk inside and join Scott on the center of his bed as he once had. For a moment his fingers started to curl in an instinctive slide preparing to knock, but reality came crashing down hard around him when he pulled away stepping back and preparing to leave his old life behind him. The new world was better. It was a good place and yet…

"Can't sleep?" Scott's voice pulled him out of his head when he discovered that the door was open more than a few inches. Scott stood on the other side dressed in a white short sleeved t-shirt and blue and white pinstripe pajama pants. His hair was a bit unruly indicating that he had also been tossing and turning in bed for a considerable amount of time before he'd stepped out of his sanctuary.

"Something like that," Logan nodded not knowing what else to say when Scott opened the door wider than before.

"Come on in," Scott's words surprised Logan pulling him from the present to the past. He wondered if he'd been caught up in a dream or a memory of the past tormented in his waking hours to believe in something that simply was not true. Still Scott stood before him extending an invitation to his bedroom and stepping aside to invite Logan within his inner comfort zone, "We may as well talk since we're both awake, right?"

"Sure," Logan shrugged doing his best to be casual with Scott's eyes upon him. He staggered into the bedroom caught up in the old familiar scent of Scott. It filled his senses surrounding him with thoughts of passion and the promise of pleasure, but when Scott closed the door behind him, he knew that wasn't at all what would be happening now that they were together in this new life.

"What's going on Logan?" Scott questioned leaning up against the door patiently. His fingers moved to the doorknob bringing the door to a full close behind him, "Something's troubling you."

"Yes and no," Logan shrugged. His eyes drifted over towards the bed remembering the lazy mornings he and Scott had spent together there in the past. He could recall all the stolen kisses and the embarrassed pleas that fell from Scott's lips when Logan was about to have him come undone. There was a slow, shallow breath and a damp flick of his tongue over his bottom lip before Scott had arched his head back and given in to his release. The memory of the sound filled Logan's ears making him realize what a mistake it had been to step inside of Scott's bedroom again. Turning around he discovered Scott lazily pressed up against the door with his arms folded in front of his chest. Behind his glasses Logan was certain that Scott was scrutinizing his actions and attempting to decipher what had motivated Logan to stalk the hallway outside of Scott's bedroom door after hours. Focusing on Scott's luscious lips Logan gulped down hard and pushed his palms against the grey sweatpants he'd been wearing. Shaking his head Logan stepped forward preparing to exit the room with a small grumble and a second shake of his head, "This was a mistake."

"No," Scott stretched his arm out to push his palm directly into the center of Logan's bare chest, "It wasn't. I think it's long past time that the two of us talked about what's been happening here."

"Scott, it's just…" Logan struggled with his words.

"Charles told me that you would come around after what happened, but the last few weeks you've been acting so strange," Scott spoke up with a hint of nervous anticipation in his voice, "He asked me to give you time, but this…it isn't helping."

"No," Logan lowered his head somberly, "it isn't."

"Today…at the White House," Scott cleared his throat and lowered his hand away from Logan's chest, "That wasn't like you. You don't tend to get so worked up over something so small and…"

"I was afraid," Logan raised his chin up to catch the expression on Scott's face.

"Of what?" Scott questioned with a deep swallow. He was nervous. Logan could smell it on him when Scott's lips parted. There was that same involuntary slide of his tongue over his bottom lip and that first exhale that always spelled desire, but behind it was something more that Logan hadn't noticed since his return to this life.

"Of losing you," Logan explained reaching out to catch Scott's wrist. He pulled it back to the center of his chest and squeezed it tightly. Closing his eyes he pushed Scott's fingers over the place where his beating heart fought to betray him—to reveal to Scott all the secrets untold from the life that they once shared before Scott had been given a second chance.

"You aren't going to lose me," Scott's voice faltered causing Logan to look up at him once again, "especially not after what happened that night. I know we agreed we wouldn't talk about it, but I just never imagined that…"

"That what?" Logan blinked back at him.

"That our making love would make you uneasy around me," Scott revealed with face a hot shade of crimson. His tongue dipped out over his lip again in a combination of nervousness and lust, but there was something more happening beneath the surface, "Charles told me to give you time, but after that morning I woke up in your bed, well, I know I panicked, but when I left I didn't think that spelled the end of…this."

"The end?" Logan questioned tipping his head to the side when Scott arched back against the door once again.

Scott sighed, "That morning when you came downstairs you seemed so different. It was like you wanted to forget, so I let you forget. Charles told me eventually you would come around, but I kept waiting and…"

"You mean we…?" Logan gulped down knowing full well that the words Scott were speaking hadn't been embedded into his memory.

"I know we waited a long time to finally give in to it," Scott stepped away from the doorway. He crossed the room walking over to the window and looking out into the moonlight over the gardens. He wrapped his arms around his chest and sighed, "Maybe we were too familiar with one another when we just let it happen and it killed the spark between us. Maybe you were just too polite to say that you felt nothing after when…"

"Felt nothing?" Logan repeated with a strangled sounding laugh, "Scott, trust me that isn't the problem."

"If not that, then what?" Scott turned around to look at him again, "Is it Jean? Were you upset because I'd discussed this with her? Logan, I had no idea what to think after you kept avoiding me. After it happened you just walked away without so much as a second thought, but then today when you threw me down to the ground like that…I just don't understand."

"Neither do I," Logan answered honestly, "There's a lot of me that's all tangled up right now."

"Because of me?" Scott's voice quivered with the first hint of insecurity that Logan had seen since his return to the school, "Because of us?"

"No," Logan shook his head firmly, "never because of us."

"Then what's going on here?" Scott held his arms to his chest so tight that his fingers seemed to grip into his muscle and change the color of his skin, "What is it you're avoiding in all of this? If I did something wrong, then you have to tell me so that I can find a way to fix this and…"

"You haven't done anything wrong," Logan explained taking a bold step forward in an attempt to reach for Scott, "It's me."

"Classic last words," Scott let out an ironic laugh, "Did you pick up that one from Jean?"

"Why would you say that?" Logan frowned.

"Because that's what she told me right before you arrived," Scott stated with a small scowl, "She told me that things were headed in very different directions for us, but I didn't really believe that—not until you were here. Then it started to make sense, but now…"

"Scott I'm…I'm sorry," Logan added somberly, "I had no idea that we were…"

"Was it a mistake?" Scott's lips pinched closed in an attempt to pull himself together. He cleared his throat and puffed his chest out in an attempt to be stoic in the moment between them, "Did we cross one too many lines with one another in doing what we did?"

"No," Logan replied, "but the thing is—with me—it's just…"

"What?" Scott asked.

"I've been having nightmares Scott," Logan divulged feeling a raw honesty burning at the back of his throat, "of another life and another place that I hope you never have to see through my eyes. I've had dreams about things that only bring pain and misery and at the center of all of that it my fear of losing you. I know what it's like to have you taken from my world and the thought of having to face that again just because…"

"Because of what?"

"Because I've been caught up in a world that I never should've been a part of," Logan confessed feeling the heavy weight of the world he'd left behind on his shoulders, "Scott there are things about the life I lived before now that haunt me. There are these visions that are still weighing me down, but being with you isn't a part of that. For so long I've been confused and thinking that you didn't feel it. I was beginning to believe that any of this was an illusion my mind was projecting onto me to make up for the fact that we could never be."

"Why? Because you don't want this?" Scott's face twisted into a wounded expression. He let out a long, slow breath fighting to keep Logan from picking up on the rapid beating of his heart in his chest. The air around them filled with the scent of panic and turmoil leaving Logan to realize that Scott feared their separation as much as Logan had.

"No," Logan decided moving forward to reach out to Scott. He pulled Scott into his arms, collecting him with the old familiar ease only to discover the relieved sigh that spilled over Scott's lips. Wordlessly Scott's arms twisted around Logan's broad shoulders squeezing him in a tight embrace, "I'm just so tangled up in my memories that I'm losing sight of what my future really is."

"What do you want it to be?" Scott questioned holding Logan tighter than before as if he feared what Logan's answer might be.

"A life of peace and happiness with you," Logan whispered pressing a kiss over the side of Scott's neck. His lips tapered off beneath Scott's earlobe gently pressing tender bites over the spot that he knew from his past had driven Scott to distraction in their previous unions. With a teasing flick of Logan's tongue against Scott's warm skin sensation coiled out of Scott's body in a seductive wave of desire, coiling into Logan's senses and making him even more determined to fill in the blanks in their lives, "I love you Scott. I always have."

"I love you too Logan," Scott's relieved breath said it all speaking volumes about the promise that this new future still had in store for Logan after his long journey from the depths of hell into this new world where everything around him had changed so dramatically, "so very much."

"I needed to hear that," Logan choked up on Scott's words wanting to say so much more to the man he'd loved, but there were still so many things to iron out. His past was still a part of him and the nightmares embedded a bit deeper than he'd hoped for, yet with Scott's arms around him Logan felt hopefulness and relief knowing that all hope hadn't been lost in his new beginning.

"You can speak with Charles in the morning," Scott interrupted his thoughts. Stepping back Scott reached for Logan's hand and coaxed Logan into following Scott over to the bed, "Whatever it is that's troubling you if you aren't comfortable talking to me about it, then maybe he can help."

"It's not that I'm not comfortable telling you," Logan admitted watching Scott step aside to pull the blankets away from the mattress to reveal the soft, blue cotton sheets before him, "I just don't know how to make you believe what it is that's still buried inside of me."

"Why wouldn't I believe you?" Scott questioned stretching out across the blankets to rearrange the pillows over the bed.

"Because I often don't believe it myself," Logan divulged quietly watching as Scott stood upright. He reached out to the bottom of his t-shirt pulling it up over his head before neatly folding it on top of the open bed. A moment later he reached for the waistband on his pants attempting to discard them when Logan stepped forward.

"Wait," Logan reached out to wrap his arm around Scott's waist. He held it protectively taking the time to breathe in the scent of Scott. As he stood behind Scott he closed his eyes allowing the warmth of Scott's skin to radiate into his when his right arm pressed tightly around Scott's shoulders. He curled his arm dragging Scott back in against his chest. Lightly his lips carried over the curve of Scott's shoulder encouraging the moan that slipped past Scott's lips. Restlessly Scott's fingers arched back into Logan's hair reaching for the dark, unruly strands while Logan's palm flattened out over Scott's abdomen. He released Scott's wrist placing damp kisses over the side of Scott's neck, slow and teasing before his fingers dipped inside of Scott's pajama pants deep within the waistband of his white briefs to touch and caress his warm body, "allow me."

"Logan," Scott coiled in against him, hips shifting impatiently when Logan touched and teased him. Each sound pulled the past into the present interweaving the world Logan had once known and the one he was now part of with Scott in his arms. Restlessly Scott turned to face Logan seeking out his mouth in a deep, passionate kiss consuming the both of them with each nip and tease. With every tender press and slow flick of Logan's tongue, Scott stepped back towards the bed with arms surrounding Logan lost in their reunion with one another.

"I love you," Scott breathed against Logan's lips cupping and holding Logan's face in his hands after Logan had worked to strip down the clothing barriers between them. He held Scott in his arms searching his beautiful features for any sign of grief or misery that had once guided their unions, but with Scott's arms and legs around him he only felt love. Noting more and nothing less in this new world that Logan had been thrust into with a life he was quite certain he didn't deserve, but was far more grateful for than he'd ever dreamed possible.


End file.
